


Red on Black, Friend of Jack; Red on Yellow, Kill a Fellow

by KitsuneGirl911



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batman gets Joker on a deep spiritual level and vice versa, I wrote this ages ago but now I am posting it because of the Lego Batman movie, It just never works out to anyone else's benefit, Joker has an endless closet of personalities for any situation, Joker isn't jealous about Batman's lovers, Joker will never be from Nolanverse in my fics, M/M, My headcanons made into fic, Sort of oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 11:51:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10966644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitsuneGirl911/pseuds/KitsuneGirl911
Summary: Just like the tags say: these are my headcanons made into fic, via conversations between Batman and the Joker. Not really connected and basically oneshots I won't really expand upon... Besides adding more separate ones. Warning: extremely dubious starting situations. This is like some deus ex machina level stuff to get these started. Don't get attached to the nameless OCs, haha.Chapter One: Me? Jealous of Catwoman?Chapter Two: Personalities Galore!





	Red on Black, Friend of Jack; Red on Yellow, Kill a Fellow

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so I have a shit time actually getting a full fic out about Batjokes, so here are some shorts to help ease the hole in my soul from that fact. If anyone has any questions about my Batjokes headcanons, toss 'em at me and maybe i'll make my answer into a chapter.  
> The title comes from the coral snake vs scarlet king snake rhyme that helps you tell the difference between the venomous coral snake and the harmless scarlet kind snake. I'd probably die anyway because at most points in time I forget which is which in the rhyme lol.

“You’re probably jealous of Catwoman,” the thug shot off with false bravado, stuck between Batman and the Joker’s combined presence. He’d been committing the wrong robbery, at the wrong time and place…

 Joker burst out into overzealous mirth at the poor sod’s unthinking comment. The clown eventually subsided into giggles, though not to get control of himself, nor to be able to speak: Joker was the undisputed master of talking while hardly able to breathe from laughter- or Batman strangling him.

Batman then spoke from behind his previous wall of stony silence, “He holds her in too much contempt to feel jealous.”

“True; I know your heart’s belfry has only one bell- tolling for little ol’ me!” Joker fluttered his eyelashes and a somehow even more flirtatious smile split his face with bloody red gash-like lips. “I can't be jealous of _her_ anyway,” Joker waved a hand in just as flippant a manner as his tone, “That implies she has something that I want too. Batsy’s sweet words to her are no more romantic than any of his so-called attractions to those trashy trollops he masquerades with…”

Batman shot the clown a warning glare at this, letting him know he was in danger of upstaging his own show by letting on that he knew who was behind the cowl.

Joker sneered in response and shot back, “Think I'd be that careless? Honestly, Bats.”

The fear-sweat soaked thug listening probably thought it was about repeating the action rather than saying the words. To maintain the illusion and just in general, Batman countered with, “What about Harley?”

“Touché.”

Joker prowled closer to Batman, and although he was actually moving away from the third party in this conversation, the thug was still scared shitless by this suddenly predatory Joker. It was a supreme testament to Batman’s fortitude that he just glared warily- before Joker tried to bite Batman’s face hard enough to rend flesh. There was an audible and painful-sounding clack when he chomped only air- only to have that noise be overshadowed by Batman’s fist hitting Joker’s mouth. The blow was hard enough to split the clown’s lip against his still-bared teeth.

_Tough love for sure…_ Both Batman and Joker thought simultaneously, certain the other had just mused on the same thing. Then the hapless thug was shot by one of Joker’s many large but somehow still-concealed guns.

“No one likes a voyeur,” Joker deadpanned flawlessly, before he twirled out of his Bat’s reach- and not a moment too late.

Batman was incensed at the needless death that he should’ve seen coming, and took off in chase of Joker’s delighted laughter as if he were leaping headlong into the darkest unsafe pits of Hell-

_Where we belong._


End file.
